Our kids are FULL of questions. And usually it starts with, "Hey Mom,..." On one car trip a few years ago, I had to tell our daughter, Berkeley, that she had to stop starting every sentence with "Hey, Mom" or I was going to lose it. And she did...for about 15 minutes.
Questions are important though, and as our kids grow up, they ask a lot of questions because they're exploring the world around them. We are their greatest source of information because we are the ones they trust the most.
But sometimes we ask questions not just to receive information, but to understand. We quizzically offer an opportunity for others to share about themselves and for us to learn. The best question askers are the ones who truly listen.
Asking the right questions in a relationship can create intimacy, deepen connections, and foster spiritual growth. One of the most impactful questions that we have learned to ask is a simple yet profound question that can open doors to vulnerability, accountability, and a stronger faith journey together. Let's dive into what this question is, why it matters, and how to incorporate it into our relationships.
The Importance of Asking Spiritual Questions
Creating Space for Spiritual Conversations
In our fast-paced lives, it's easy to focus on the mundane and overlook deeper, spiritual conversations. We get caught into routines of church on Sundays, soccer tournaments, piano lessons, dinners, work, school, and all sorts of things that inundate our schedules, and we miss pivotal moments to connect with one another. To avoid becoming roommates with your spouse, or surface-friends with your pickle-ball crew, you (and I) have to be intentional interactions that create meaningful dialogue.
Encouraging Vulnerability and Accountability with THE Questions
So what's the big question we ask? In a season where we were a little spiritually anemic, we were encouraged to ask this question to one another: "What is God teaching you?" As simple as the question is, it's revealing and humbling when you're not actively seeking out God, but it also provides the opportunity for those listening to be a well of encouragement, care, and prayer.
When I was feeling down and uninspired by my quiet times with God, Kyle asked me this question on one of our date nights. I sat there, kinda frustrated, because I felt embarrassed that my answer was...well, not a lot. I wasn't actively seeking out what God was teaching me. I was spending time with him, but it was more about checking off my daily reading plan checkbox than it was about listening and learning from Him.
When I got vulnerable and admitted to Kyle where I was at, it helped him to love me where I was at, encourage me no matter what, and discover how to pray for me best in that season. It was uncomfortable at first, but when we ask questions like this, we invite others to share in our walk with God, and us in theirs. It encourages honesty and openness, and it holds us accountable in our own walk with God, reminding us to reflect on what He is teaching us.
Strengthening Relationships
Whether in friendships, marriages, or small groups, asking about one's spiritual growth can strengthen relationships. It shows genuine care and interest in the other person's spiritual well-being, building trust and deeper connections.
When and How to Ask
Schedule Intentional Conversations Schedule regular times for intentional conversations. This could be during a weekly date night, a walk in the park, or a quiet evening at home. One time, Kyle and I scheduled to fight because we had been on each other for weeks, and we clearly needed to work through some things. But scheduling our "fight" didn't actually make it a fight - it made a purposeful conversation where both of us were in it to find unity. The key is to find moments to have these intentional conversations is to create spaces with minimal distractions, allowing for focused and meaningful dialogue.
Active Listening When you ask, "What is God teaching you?" be prepared to listen actively. Active listening means you are there to hear and to understand. Your role is to create a safe space for the other person to share openly, listen without interrupting, and respond with empathy and understanding. Your "comeback" or response should only be in acknowledging what you heard and asking for clarity or further understanding.
Share Your Own Journey Reciprocate by sharing what God is teaching you. This mutual exchange can deepen your connection and provide encouragement to both parties. It's a two-way street where both can grow and learn from each other's experiences.
Practical Examples of Spiritual Questions
Beyond "What is God teaching you?"
Here are a few other meaningful questions to incorporate into your conversations:
How do you experience forgiveness from God?
What would you ask Jesus if He were sitting with you right now?
Can you share a time when it was challenging to trust God?
How did you reach out to God during that challenging time?
Setting the Right Environment
Create a comfortable and relaxed environment for these conversations. Whether it's a cozy coffee shop, a scenic hike, or a quiet dinner at home, the setting can significantly impact the openness and depth of your discussion.
Biblical Foundation
Iron Sharpens Iron
Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." The Bible is all about seeking wisdom and mutual growth through the accountability we receive relationships. Other people are so valuable to our personal walk with Jesus because if we were in this all by ourselves, we'd become a vacuum of knowledge and understanding. We are limited to our own understanding, so allowing others to be in our lives shapes us and sharpens us. Asking spiritual questions is a practical way to sharpen each other in faith.
Personal Accountability
Romans 14:12 (NLT) reminds us, "Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God." While our relationship with God is personal, we are called to support and encourage each other in our faith journeys. Accountability is an act of love and care for one another's spiritual growth.
Knowing Jesus
In Matthew 16:15 (NLT), Jesus asks His disciples, "But who do you say I am?" This question wasn't for Jesus' benefit but for the disciples' understanding and declaration of their faith. Similarly, asking "What is God teaching you?" helps us and others articulate and reflect on our relationship with God. Who is he, what is he
Real-Life Applications
In Marriage
For married couples, regularly asking spiritual questions can deepen your connection and support each other's spiritual growth. Create a habit of discussing your faith journey, praying together, and encouraging each other in your walk with God.
Among Friends
Friends can also benefit from these questions. Whether in a small group or one-on-one, take time to ask about each other's spiritual lives. It can strengthen your friendship and provide mutual encouragement and support.
In Small Groups
Small groups are an excellent setting for these questions. Encourage members to share their spiritual experiences and learnings. This practice can foster a sense of community, accountability, and collective growth.
Overcoming Challenges
Avoiding the Wrong Timing
Timing is crucial. Avoid asking deep spiritual questions in the middle of a conflict or stressful situation. Instead, choose moments when both parties are relaxed and open to conversation.
Being Prepared for Silence
Sometimes, the person might not have an immediate answer. That's okay. Give them time to reflect and encourage them gently. Silence can also be a powerful moment for personal introspection and growth.
Handling Dry Seasons
There might be times when you or the other person feel spiritually dry. Use these moments to pray together, seek God's guidance, and encourage each other to stay connected to His word and presence.
Encouragement to Practice
Make it a priority to ask, "What is God teaching you?" this week. Whether with your spouse, a friend, or in your small group, be intentional about creating space for spiritual conversations. Prepare to be moved and inspired by what God is doing in each other's lives.
Call to Action
Schedule a time this week to ask a loved one, "What is God teaching you?"
Share your own experiences and listen actively.
Encourage others to practice this question in their relationships.
Further Resources
For more on deepening spiritual conversations and relationships, check out these resources:
"50 Questions To Ask Your Spouse" - This article explores 50 other meaningful questions that lead to deeper conversations.
"5 Questions Every Person Should Ask Their Spouse" - Learn how to cultivate spiritual intimacy in your marriage through intentional conversations and shared faith practices through a few other questions.
Incorporating these practices into your relationships can lead to profound growth and deeper connections. Remember, the best question to ask is not just a tool but a pathway to experiencing God's transformative work in our lives.
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